i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
