I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
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