Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
