saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
