I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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