I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
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