We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
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