I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
