Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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