wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
