guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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