Where did you get a picture of my penis
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
