I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
