just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
