i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
