I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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