taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
