i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
