I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Randomize
