wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize