I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
