Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
