Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
