I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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