Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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