I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
