I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
