Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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