I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
