Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
