so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
