In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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