Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Randomize
