His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Randomize
