i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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