I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
