So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Operation Purity has been aborted
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
