I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
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