Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
