I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
