Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
