What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
