Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Randomize
