I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
We don't watch enough power rangers
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
