And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
we're making bets on your personal life
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
