I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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