I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
