just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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