we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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