you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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