My Higher Power is John Stamos
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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