before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
