if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
this beer tastes like vomit already
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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