i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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