He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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