im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize