just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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