did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
