I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
