Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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