Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
