I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
