its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
