Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
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