You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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