He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize
