Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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