i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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